This is a monologue written by Gabriel Davis as a piece of comedy about divorce, its from a play named 'Goodbye Charles'.

I Ate the Divorce Papers Monologue
Comedic female monologue from the play Goodbye Charles
By Gabriel Davis

(Monologist stands in front of her soon to be x-husband)

I ate them. That’s right. I ate the divorce papers, Charles. I ate them with ketchup. And they were good...goooood. You probably want me to get serious about our divorce. The thing is you always called our marriage a joke. So let’s use logic here: If A we never had a serious marriage then B we can’t have a serious divorce. No. We can’t. The whole thing’s a farce, Charles – a farce that tastes good with ketchup.

 

This text has taken a serious situation of divorce and given it a twist of humour through extreme measures (eating divorce papers)… giving it an entertainment factor.

Just from reading this tiny segment from the above monologue, you can tell that Charles wants a divorce whereas she does not; this as readers makes you think about why this is, why they can’t resolve their problems and why they both don’t aspire for the same thing?

You can tell that ‘she’ is angry about their proposed split due to the really short sentence structure –punctuated throughout with full stops – ‘I ate them. That’s right.’ She uses his name ‘Charles’ instead of naming him ‘you’, that you think she would if she wanted to be rude, hurtful and personal, like you would expect, but she still loves him, so saying his name is almost like she is trying to hold on to him, trying to kindle their forgotten love…However she has a backup plan –eating the divorce papers with ketchup – this is put into a humorous context to show how deeply upset she is, how pathetic she could be portrayed as and how she is failing with trying to make their scenario light hearted (light hearted - contrasting with how she really feels).
The way that the text has been written, gives it an almost insane aspect, as she is constantly arguing with herself ‘we can’t have a serious divorce.No.We can’t’ – this has been written to either make her look desperate for him or slightly delusional about how far they have drifted apart.

The audience isn’t really obvious or specific, but due to the clues in title of the monologue, I could hazard a guess that, people who have an interest in comedy, plays or people who can relate are the main target.

I like how the text has been written with a joke aspect and how the writing style connotes him (his jokey personality), their marriage and her behaviour. A list has been used to emphasize her thoughts and to maybe give Charles something to reflect about. 'A farce' has been repeated twice in the same sentence and linked with a dash, I would say that this is because she is showing how everything links back to things being rubbish 'A farce'. However to keep the play light hearted to fit the bill of a comedy (to make the audience to laugh) constant silly lines have been added 'I ate them.' and miss-spelling good 'goooooood'.

http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2013/09/10/nations-favourite-biscuit_n_3898188.html?utm_hp_ref=uk-food 

A blog I found fascinating is named ‘Nation’s Favourite Biscuit Revealed – Could It Be Shortbread, Chocolate Digestive Or Custard Cream?’ this screamed out to me as I was skimming through various blogs due to the appealing subject of BISCUITS and the rhetorical question about the proposed revealing of the matter.

I really liked the informal colloquial language used, as it meant the text was legible to understand and therefore to follow -keeping its audience (of anyone with an interest of food?) engaged. I especially liked the play of language in the following ‘It's here. The moment we've all been waiting for - *coughs* - the numbers are in, the ballots are closed and the nation's favourite biscuit is about to be crowned.

And the winner is... the Chocolate Digestive.’

Suspense is continually created, by short sentences (‘It’s here.’), tempting terminology ‘is about’ and use of ellipsis before enlightening us with the result – just to give a realistic vibe (‘*coughs*’) and to give the impression that this question and answer is of a very important affair – this is also highlighted by the imagery formed by the term ‘crowned’, a status of royalty springs to mind. I would use techniques from this blog into mine, because it makes text very captivating, still preserves the informative function but also adds an entertainment purpose, hence the fun read!

An aspect that I can see that may not work for this blog, is in the sentence ‘The moment we’ve all been waiting for’  - for many this is not the case, they may have just read the article with no real intention expect for the love of food, so maybe they cannot relate on this personal level and subject... making them feel distanced to the article... this could jeopardise the target audience of ‘people who like food’ maybe it should be for people who have a proper passion for specific delicacies.   

Immediately, just from glancing at the title, I could guess that this poem is written by someone from America. This is because of the varied dialect from English – they say ‘Potato Chips’ whereas we would say ‘Crisps’.

Something that caught my eye, was the surprising intimate register between the poet and the chip ‘I love it’s funny wrinkles’. I found this interesting due to the contrast between line one and three, line one uses language that sounds as if the subject is petty, minuscule, random by using the word ‘something’ to describe it and then in line three, the poet selects qualities ‘quirks’ that’s admired by them-self - ‘funny wrinkles’. The word ‘funny’ could cause offence unless used in a close friendly format which by the use of ‘love’ (a word with strong connotations) it is – that’s why this poem could cause confusion.

Armstrong and Miller RAF pilots ‘D-Day’

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zt--2ASTg7k  

This comedy sketch is hilarious due to the words and phrases these two men from a past era use – they use common slang from the present tense like ‘blood’ – this is somewhat ironic because they are unaware that they are going to war where blood will be shed. Another lot of dramatic irony is shown when one of the men say ‘classic’ in a slang format but the definition says otherwise.  You could say that the register is wrong for that period of time but that’s what makes the clip so funny – it makes them stick out like a sore thumb but if we put them in today’s world, they would be unnoticed, apart from their posh accent.

They constantly use similes without intention ‘like that…’ the word ‘like’ meaning to be used as a filler (like today’s dialect) but as a result to their accents, it sounds almost clever, like they are comparing things continually.

The two time genres are constantly being compared and contrasted, for instance, the head officer uses low frequency lexis (formal speech) – using the word ‘chaps’ whereas the two guys repeatedly use non-standard grammar, resulting in the massive speech variety.

Transformation of texts...

Chocolate nests recipe

Ingredients

·         225g/8oz plain chocolate, broken into pieces

·         2 tbsp golden syrup

·         50g/2oz butter

·         75g/3oz cornflakes

·         36 mini chocolate eggs

        Preparation method
     1.  Line a 12-hole fairy cake tin with paper cases. 
       2.  Melt the chocolate, golden syrup and butter in a bowl set over a pan of gently simmering water, (do not let the base of the bowl touch the water). Stir the mixture until smooth.
       3. Remove the bowl from the heat and gently stir in the cornflakes until all of the cereal is coated in the chocolate.
       4. Divide the mixture between the paper cases and press 3 chocolate eggs into the centre of each nest. Chill in the fridge for 1 hour, or until completely set.

      

        TRANSFORMATION...                                                                                                                                                                             

        Susan: Right babe, to make these yummy chocolate cake thingies, you are going to need to get out the grub. 

      Emily: Yeah I'm on it, dude! What was it I need again?

     

      Susan: *Sigh* I can’t believe you don’t remember – you've been trying not to eat the ingredients for the past few days...

Emily: Mate, you know my memory is dodge – I'm like your goldfish ‘Goldie’!

Susan: You are worse than Goldie! Right you need to get out: those gorgeously tasty mini eggs, the Milka chocolate and butter from the fridge, the golden syrup, which you tried to use up on your pancakes and the box of cornflakes on the table – which you must have forgotten to put away!

Emily: Um excuse me those pancakes needed that extra something – it’s not my fault, I'm not the one who makes uber dry pancakes! As for the cornflakes, I left them there because I knew we were going to need them... obviously...

Susan: Obviously...

Emily: Okay, well I have rounded up the stuff – including the equipment you forgot to mention, so what’s next boss?!

Susan:  Aww thinking on your own –I like it! We need to grab those pretty cake cases, shove them into that tin and then melt the ingredients.

Emily: Thinking for myself again! But surely, we don’t melt ALL the ingredients – hello melted cornflake’s, that’s nasty!

Susan: Hahah, no I meant: the chocolate, syrup and butter. Plant it in that bowl over there and put it above the pan of hot water –that I just put on- but don’t drop the bowl in the water and keep stirring it until the mixture isn't bumpy – we don’t want any catastrophes!

Emily: Gee, it’s given me serious arm ache stirring this mixture!

Susan: It’s your gym workout, as you didn't go this week – you left me alone with sweaty Betty! Any ways, move the bowl from the heat and add the cornflakes – make sure they are nice an’ chocolaty! Then scoop the mixture into the cases and plop some eggs on the top!

Emily: OOOO they look so nice! When can we eat them?

Susan: They have to set in the fridge, so, we have to wait an hour! I can’t wait to try them!

Emily: Me neither!

A bit about me

Me.  A single word, containing of just two letters, titles each and every one of us but how can the definition be so different for us all… Although the scientific answer still remains a mystery, the word ‘me’ means the following to myself:

Dear Diary,

Saturday 7th, September, 2013

5:00am

I can’t sleep any longer, I’m just too exhilarated!

6:00am

In just 2 hours I will be in the fields of Forest of Dean, beneath a canopy of vibrant, emerald, green leaves and above the shining, bright, blue lake, doing the high ropes, again…

I love, the perfect perspective of the world below, all matter; all problems seem so tiny from up high in the tawny trees.

I love, the way that the sun reflects the scenic surroundings across the glossy lake.

I love, the way the fresh, crisp air ruffles your hair, as you take a deep, daunting breath and plunge yourself from your current, safe podium, across the forest and just for that moment your flying, your flying on a giant rope swing, releasing your inner monkey.

I love, the idea of an obstacle course up in the air – pure genius…

I love, all out door pursuits from the high ropes, to canoeing, to quad biking – they all posses qualities that give you that excited, yet owner of butterflies fluttering in your stomach feeling…

6:01am

One minute has passed! Only one proxy minute! I’m very impatient and super ready to go and do the high ropes!!! I have had my breakfast, a nice piece of fruit as a starter, followed by a hot buttered piece of toast, finishing with a sausage sandwich and washed down with a glass of fresh orange juice - I like my food and I’m already mentally planning what to have for lunch…

6:02am

Maybe I will watch some television that will pass some time.  Hmm but what to watch?

6:03am

Flickering through the channels, I see NEW GIRL on repeat, I can’t believe I missed an episode, it’s my favorite program.

6:35am

It just finished L But on the positive side, we are leaving now, as it takes an age to get there. Although the journey may drag and I may drive everyone in the car crazy, as I sing the whole way, the knowing that I will be soon be climbing in the trees, keeps my ear to ear smile fixed – the forest of dean awaits and I’m on my way! J

Why I chose this extract…

Spy Society – Robin Benway:

‘Maggie Silver likes her unusual life; travelling the globe with her spy parents, cracking safes, beating the bad guys…what’s not to love?’

Living on the edge, a frequent change of identity, this book has it all. This lively quote reflects the crazy life of Maddie – a teenage spy- whose character is portrayed with a young vibe to suit the teenage audience (i.e. me)!

The long sentence with constant commas, connotates how mad, rushed and different her life is and gives an insight to her world. I chose this extract as it is a so called unique life style, which the majority of people won’t get the chance to live, so it instantly grabs the reader’s attention.

The rhetorical question used at the end of the sentence ‘what’s not to love?’ sends a powerful meaning to the reader, a message about her hidden doubts and about the possible negative side to being a spy – leaving the audience in suspense.

It is an exciting read, which will get the heart pumping and adrenaline rushing...